


Cheers to the Future

by Feathraly



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Role Reversal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27034096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feathraly/pseuds/Feathraly
Summary: It's just as well, because Grantaire isn't done. "You know what would be awesome? Is if Enjolras, the constant DD, came with me and actually had a drink or two. I think I would weep. I think seeing that sight would truly be a once in a lifetime experience, and the perfect thing to complete this bender."She turns to Enjolras, her eyes imploring."You're very good at asking a question without actually asking a question," Enjolras points out, and then, "but yes, I think I can manage that," she adds with a small smile.
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	Cheers to the Future

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to [kumatt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumatt/pseuds/kumatt) for looking this over <3

It's Monday morning, and Grantaire is hanging over the lip of a toilet, her hair flung to one side and arms braced shakily. This is not unusual for her.

However, Enjolras needs to use the bathroom, and there's only one despite three of them living there, and Grantaire left the door open.

She still knocks.

"Hey, you doing okay?" she asks, taking a hesitant step forward.

Grantaire groans in response, but it doesn't seem directed towards her, so she takes another step closer.

"Do you need anything? Water, pain meds? Also, can I brush my teeth?"

Grantaire looks up at her - well, more like squints - and manages to mumble out, "Nah, mmm...yeah. S'fine."

Taking that as the best answer she's going to get, she brushes her teeth. When she's done, she swipes Courf's cup from the counter and sifts through the cabinet until she finds what she's looking for.

She crouches next to Grantaire and offers her the mentioned meds and water, despite the refusal earlier.

Grantaire groans again, rolling her head to face Enjolras like it's the hardest thing she's ever done. She rubs an eye and yawns and Enjolras thinks that if anything would kill her stupid crush, it would be this, but no: this is routine, it happens so often, and she still thinks Grantaire is beautiful.

"Okay, yeah, gimme," she eventually acquiesces, blue eyes wavering as she does.

Enjolras watches as she carefully sips, and only takes the cup back once it's empty, as per usual. They've got a system down by now.

"Thanks," Grantaire rasps after a moment, resting her chin on her hands like they’re on a table and not the toilet bowl. She already looks a little fresher. "You know, I didn't even drink that much last night. I think it's finally getting to me."

She's back to her chatty self, which is the biggest sign she's feeling better. Enjolras smiles and settles down cross-legged facing her. Her pants need to be washed anyway. "Yeah?" she says, and even she can hear how smitten she sounds. It's ridiculous. She's stopped wondering about the why or how and has moved on to utter disbelief that Grantaire doesn't know. Surely she does.

Enjolras thinks she's just ignoring it, since they're roommates and friends, and if the feelings aren't returned, then there's no point messing up what they do have. It doesn't sting - she's happy with this, if that's the case.

Grantaire groans and stretches her arms above her head. Enjolras hears the click of her shoulders sliding back into place - did she sleep on the couch again? - and then she drops them. "I think I need to go out in a blaze of glory, you know? One last epic bender, and then I'm going to go through the steps. It's probably...the smart thing to do. For like, my future and shit." Her eyes are shifting from side to side, as if she's uncomfortable caring about her own well-being.

Enjolras hums to show she's still listening, but doesn't offer any sort of opinion.

It's just as well, because Grantaire isn't done. "You know what would be awesome? Is if Enjolras, the constant DD, came with me and actually had a drink or two. I think I would weep. I think seeing that sight would truly be a once in a lifetime experience, and the perfect thing to complete this bender."

She turns to Enjolras, her eyes imploring. 

She can't resist that look. How could anyone? Also, she's known to make bad decisions early in the morning. Grantaire is absolutely taking advantage of that and instead of being annoyed like she probably will be later, she just feels fond. 

"You're very good at asking a question without actually asking a question," Enjolras points out, and then, "but yes, I think I can manage that," she adds with a small smile.

Grantaire mirrors it, and it's so gentle. Enjolras feels like she could live in this moment forever. Instead, she gets to her feet and offers Grantaire a hand. "Come on, let's find a hangover cure breakfast."

\---

They eat waffles.

Grantaire texts half the time, but that's also routine, and Enjolras likes their routine, as much as it formed out of habit. 

After they finish, they go their separate ways. Grantaire heads off to her workshop group, and Enjolras takes a different bus to her internship. On the way there, her phone lights up with a text that quickly turns into multiple texts.

[Grantaire]: so Boss and I are finalizing the bender plans

[Grantaire]: he says he's gonna hook us up with a venue (JBM apartment) so I can get absolutely trashed and your conscience won't have to fret

[Grantaire]: also, I know you already said yes, but to sweeten the pot, I may have invited everyone else bc I think they'll want to be there anyway

[Grantaire]: so Friday night, their apartment, 9pm, I will see u there!!!!!

Enjolras smiles. Grantaire is so herself through text, and she doesn't know how she does it, but she loves it. 

She spends a little too long rereading the messages and getting lost in her thoughts, so when she reaches her stop she still hasn't replied. She tugs her scarf on, hops off the bus with a quick merci, and taps out a response while she walks down the street, breath fogging in the winter air.

[Enjolras]: You certainly will. Can't wait.

After that, she shoves her shivering hands back into her pockets and braces herself for the chaos she's about to walk into.

Her internship isn't bad, per se, but she certainly doesn't picture herself organizing documents for the rest of her life, especially when she's trained and will be certified to do much more. 

It's endlessly frustrating to read about cases she can't be a part of, and categorizing them as they're given to her is a full-time job. Thankfully, her days start early but end early, too, so she gets home before her roommates most days.

She nods to Marius once she's filed the last case for the day and waits until he's packed up before leaving with him. They grab hot chocolate on the way to the bus stop, and she's grateful for the warmth.

She leans against a lamppost, breathes in her drink with the childish delight it never fails to bring out in her, and asks, "You get invited to Grantaire's thing?"

He checks his phone and then nods. "Yeah, I guess I did. What's it about?"

She takes a hesitant sip. It doesn't scald her mouth: a win. "She wants to do one last party before she quits drinking, I think. Also, I agreed I'd drink with her."

She turns, and Marius is gaping at her. "You? Drinking? How...how did she convince you? I thought you just didn't for some reason, like something religious you didn't mention, and Courfeyrac's been asking you for years, I can't believe that it's finally happening. What."

A few years ago, Enjolras might have asked if he was done. Now, she just quietly slurps her hot chocolate and waits for a lull. Stunned silence will have to do. She shrugs. "She asked," she explains, and-

"That doesn't explain anything," Marius complains.

Enjolras laughs lightly. "I'd do anything she asked, if she really meant it." In the past, Grantaire asked many things, but she never meant them. The vulnerability in the bathroom was real, though, and Enjolras isn't one to turn down a friend in need of support. Especially not Grantaire. With that in mind, she fixes Marius with a look that says, "don't you get it?"

He stares for a moment more before understanding lights up his eyes. "Oh...oh! You...like her! Wow, really? Grantaire? How long?"

Enjolras always forgets how nosy Marius is, and she's grateful that the bus arrives then, letting her just smile and wave goodbye without answering that question.

\---

The week passes as slowly as it usually does. Enjolras spends most of her time holed up in her room, working on her thesis. When she does venture out for food and maybe to stand near the window for some sunlight, she doesn't usually see her roommates.

In the dead of night, Grantaire is sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, watching a movie and drinking. She throws a casual salute in Enjolras' direction, which she smiles at. They don't say anything to each other, but they don't have to, and that's part of what makes it nice.

Enjolras does not run into Grantaire in the bathroom again.

The next time she really sees her is when Grantaire bangs into the apartment at dinner time on Friday, lugging her art supply bag in with both arms.

Enjolras knows that Grantaire is strong. She does. But knowing and being confronted with it are two entirely different things. 

Grantaire sets the bag down with a huff and Enjolras is reminded of the time she held the bag - she lasted about ten seconds before she caved.

Enjolras and Courfeyrac are sitting at the table drinking tea, and he turns around to raise an eyebrow at Grantaire. She straightens quickly and flashes the middle finger at him before grabbing her water bottle and sitting with them.

"Tea? Really? Guys, come on, be a little more adventurous," she says, though she pulls the cups closer to sniff the flavours in apparent interest. Lately she's been talking about finding a drink to replace alcohol with.

Courfeyrac laughs. "Hey, we need the caffeine if we're going to be staying up half the night. I don't know about you, but even though it's only February, classes have been killing me."

Enjolras nods sagely and rescues her cup so she can keep drinking.

Grantaire angles a look at Courfeyrac. "You should trade me. I'm sick of project hell, you're sick of lectures and tests hell. We could all use a little break. I'm sure I could pass as you."

Courfeyrac taps his nose. "You forget, though, that I'm minoring in theatre. I'll trade my lectures but I don't think you want my dance and acting classes."

Grantaire groans. "Oh my god, you're right. Thank you for always being so thoughtful and perfect. Why has no one snatched you up yet?"

Enjolras laughs. She would think it's a come-on, except she knows they dated for a couple months in first year and now joke about their romantic incompatibility.

Courfeyrac fake swoons. "Oh, Grantaire, you always say the most flattering things! Of course I'll be your date to the prom." He shakes himself out of the act in a second and continues in a normal tone, "Seriously, though, I actually have my eye on someone, that's why I haven't been snatched up yet. Plus, I've dated like, almost everyone I have classes with, except Enjolras."

At the expected pause, she raises her hands in apology. "Sorry, still a lesbian."

"I know, dear," Courfeyrac says, patting her gently on the head, "and I wouldn't have it any other way. Anyway, I should probably go study, bleh, so I'll see you crazy kids later, when we leave for the party."

He leaves quickly, and Grantaire mutters something about regretting ever telling him her birthday, but she stays. So does Enjolras.

Silence descends, but it's a comfortable silence. Enjolras breaks it. "What did you do today?" she asks, once she realizes there are no tell-tale signs like clay or paint on Grantaire's clothes.

She gets a shrug in response. "Little of this, little of that. Mostly worked on concepts, so my hands are covered in graphite and marker." She shows them off with a grin. 

Enjolras wants to take her hands in her own, but she doesn't, instead just smiles back. "Any you particularly like?"

Grantaire rolls her eyes. "I know you're just vying for a peek, but you've got me, there were a few I really liked. Here, I'll grab them for you."

She pushes herself to her feet and rifles through her bag, reappearing with a sketchbook Enjolras recognizes - it's the one she takes out with her everywhere, since it's easy to carry.

She flips through the pages and hums a before making a little "aha!" and turning the page to Enjolras. 

"So the idea here is like, blood and rain? How can I combine the imagery of both, basically. I really liked both of these ideas, and I'm thinking either a multi-layered painting or something multimedia. I'm feeling ambitious this year, I guess."

Enjolras trails her fingers across the marker, relishing in seeing something she's never seen before, something that came from her friend's mind. It's always mind-blowing to see a friend's art, but it hits extra hard when it's Grantaire, because she just wants to know everything about her.

"I love it," she eventually says, and then, "I don't know if it's possible, but why not combine the two concepts?"

Grantaire looks thoughtful about that, and that's the best she's going to get. She's used to getting a downright no followed by Grantaire laughing about how she really wasn't lying when she said she knows nothing about art. 

"Maybe," she says, and then, "which one do you like better?" 

It still warms Enjolras' heart that she values her opinion this much, even though she knows she values all her friends' opinions the same amount. It just makes her care even more, whereas from someone she didn't have a crush on, she would only feel flattered and valued. "That one," she says, and then hands the sketchbook back with reluctance she doesn't bother to hide. 

Grantaire nods and just sets it on the table. After a moment of silence, she grins lopsidedly. "So, what do you want to get up to before the party?"

Enjolras indulges it. She's cleared her schedule for the night, anyway, so a little pre-gaming (on Grantaire's part) and watching movies isn't going to hurt. And if she pretends it's a date when Grantaire leans into her side, then that's not going to hurt either.

\---

When Enjolras, Grantaire, and Courfeyrac get to the JBM apartment, as it is lovingly called, almost everyone is already there. Feuilly is running late because of a work thing and Jehan is mysterious about arrival times, but everyone else cheers when Grantaire rolls in.

She smiles, big and real, and shoots finger guns at everyone. "Guys, I love you," is all she manages before she's crushed in Bahorel's arms. 

She pats her back and pulls away to ask about drinks, and did Combeferre bring the stuff, which Enjolras hears loudly enough to know she's supposed to hear it, and yet she gets drawn in anyway.

"What stuff?" she asks, leaning in while she undoes her scarf. Grantaire is still fully dressed for the weather, which for her means a light jacket and fingerless gloves. Enjolras doesn't know how she does it.

Grantaire spins and her smile widens, if that's possible. "A little birdie told me you're picky about your drinks, so I asked Combeferre to bring what you like. Better chances of you actually having a good time and all. And better chances of you actually going through with our deal."

Enjolras knows - she _knows_ \- that Grantaire has similar deals with their other friends. Jehan is going to play karaoke with her, Bahorel is going to dance with her, Courfeyrac is going to play drinking games (and encourage everyone else to), Éponine agreed to watching cute animal videos with her when she gets to that level of drunk, and Bossuet agreed to carry her home if need be. She thinks there might be other deals she isn't aware of, but it doesn't matter. She's not the only one and that's - okay. Even if she desperately wants to be, just sometimes.

Enjolras laughs, a little belatedly. "Thank you," she says, and despite the laugh, it ends up coming out a lot more seriously than intended. Bahorel cuts her a look, because she knows, because almost everyone knows, but she doesn't say anything.

Grantaire, thankfully, is drunk enough already that she doesn't notice. Or does she never notice when Enjolras slips? It's hard to tell. Maybe she always does but is pretending she doesn't. Either way, she bows elaborately and says, "Anything for you, my lady."

Enjolras can't fight the blush that spreads across her face at that, so she holds her hand up to her cheeks, but Grantaire has already slipped away to mingle with everyone else, and she didn't notice, even if it is blatantly obvious on her pale skin. 

Bahorel gives her a friendly pat on the back in consolation, and after Enjolras lowers her hand, she notices Combeferre has materialized next to her.

She jumps a little and then turns towards him expectantly. He pulls her into a quick hug, and she's surrounded by a soft earthy scent that immediately grounds her. She didn't know she needed it, but she feels much better after she pulls away. 

She nods in thanks and hello, and he smiles softly. "I got you your terrible mixed drinks, as per Grantaire's request. Does she really think you never drink?"

Enjolras glances down for a second in embarrassment and feels her blush threatening to return. "I make a point to avoid it around her."

Combeferre raises a single eyebrow, and she caves.

She moves to the kitchen for privacy, running into Cosette along the way, who she smiles at but doesn't talk to, and then she leans against the counter while she talks. It only matters if Grantaire hears, and a quick flick of her eyes confirms that she's far enough away, so she doesn't bother lowering her voice.

"The first time I really met her was when she was sober near the end of first year. She came to meetings as a way to burn off energy and socialize with Courfeyrac outside of that elective they shared, and I just noticed the signs. Obviously I didn't know for sure until after, but it was subconscious, and then after I knew...I just kind of kept doing it."

Combeferre nods and Enjolras leans back, letting what she said soak in. They're both people who aren't active speakers, unlike Courfeyrac, so they play well off each other and have a lot of non-verbal signals. It's comfortable. She kind of missed it in all the recent busyness.

"You noticed because…?" Combeferre asks, and the rest of the sentence doesn't need to be spoken, which he knows.

She nods sharply, once. It's not something she likes to talk about, but it is a part of her, and something everyone knows. It's easy to recognize a recovering alcoholic when you grew up with one.

They just kind of stay in the kitchen for a little while, sitting in the comfortable silence until Combeferre gets called out into the living room and laughs. He says "One minute!" and then rifles in the fridge for something. He presses something cold into Enjolras' hand and disappears before she even really registers it.

When she looks down, she smiles. It's bottled, and green apple flavour, which she expects because it's her favourite, but there's also a scribbled note on the side that says: _go get your girl! Cheers, C._

\---

Jehan has arrived when Enjolras moves back to the living room. He's sitting next to Grantaire and they're laughing about something. Before Enjolras can pull her gaze from Grantaire leaning back and laughing with her whole body, Courfeyrac cuts into their conversation.

"Jehan!" he says, flopping down next to them on the floor. "When did you get here?"

Despite the fact that he's leaning against both his friends, all of his attention is directed towards Jehan, and Enjolras abruptly gets it. She doesn't know how she didn't see it sooner, with all the hints he drops, but it doesn't matter, anyway, because Jehan looks amused. He stifles a laugh into his sweater and says, "I've been here the whole time," which no one questions, even the people who live in the apartment.

Enjolras, knowing Grantaire will act fake-hurt if she doesn't mention it now, taps Grantaire on the shoulder and holds up her drink with a little smile.

Grantaire immediately looks delighted. "Oh my god, guys! Guys, look, Enjolras is drinking! The day has come! That which we thought we'd never see!" 

To punctuate her point, Enjolras obligingly takes a sip. A few of their friends clap and laugh. Grantaire doesn't leave it at that, though: she grabs Enjolras' hand, which makes her mind blank out for a few seconds, and when it comes back on, she's sitting in the circle with Courfeyrac and Jehan, who are clearly engrossed in their own conversation now and entirely ignoring Grantaire and Enjolras.

"Sorry, I know you don't like being put on the spot like that, I just had to. I hope that was okay?" Grantaire asks, and she sways a little towards Enjolras, her words dripping with sincerity. She's biting her lip, which means she really does mean it and feels bad about it.

Enjolras wants to hug her, but she doesn't. Instead, she says, "Don't worry about it. I don't mind as long as it's with friends. Happy to oblige you for the night." She gives in to the urge to touch Grantaire and gives her a friendly push on the shoulder.

Grantaire sways even more and her awfully sincere look doesn't let up. "You are such a good friend," she says, and then she keeps going, as she is wont to do, even when sober. "You're so considerate, and kind, and you even put up with my shitty roommate habits...what did I do to deserve you? God, I'm not making any sense, but just know this," and here she grabs Enjolras' shoulders, so she can look into her eyes, "I really, really appreciate you."

Enjolras swallows dryly. She's past blushing. She doesn't know what to do with a gushing Grantaire; she hardly ever sees her this drunk. Usually, around Enjolras, she's tipsy at best, and rowdy for it. But this - it's too much.

Grantaire pulls back before Enjolras can make up her mind on the appropriate thing to say that isn't blurting "I'm in love with you," which is probably for the best. She doesn't trust her tongue right now.

"I think I need another drink," Grantaire says, squinting off in the distance like she's thinking. Eventually her expression clears and she scoots forward to drape herself over Courfeyrac. "Couuuurf," she whines, "drinking games?"

Courfeyrac pats her head consolingly. Enjolras' eyes catch on the way her curls spring back into place, messily piled on her head in a bun. "Yes, dear," he says, "we can do that. Jehan? Which one first? King's Cup? Never Have I Ever? Spin the Bottle?" He waggles his eyebrows at that last one, and Jehan actually blushes. Enjolras doesn't think she's ever seen him blush before. Huh.

Courfeyrac pretends to think about it for a second and then decides Never Have I Ever is the easiest one to start with. He leaves to get shots, and Jehan stares after him. Grantaire, predictably, shifts to leaning on Enjolras, and it's fine. She's fine. She is not going to freeze up and she is going to be cool about this. They're roommates, they lean on each other all the time, it's just - Grantaire is also humming something under her breath and her mouth is close enough to Enjolras' neck she can feel the vibrations.

Jehan is silently laughing at her, so she shoots him a murderous look, but it doesn't stop him. Later, she'll exact her revenge. For now, after a moment of hesitation, she melts into Grantaire's side.

No one else notices, or maybe they just don't care, and Courfeyrac returns with a bottle of vodka, shot glasses, and a grin. "Alright, guys! Whoever wants to play, join the floor circle! Let's go!"

Grantaire doesn't move from Enjolras' side, but they do adjust so everyone can see each other. Joly manages to get the honour of starting, something about it being his house, but Enjolras is distracted, because Grantaire is twisting Enjolras’ hair around her fingers now and murmuring, "So soft and gold. This should be...illegal. How do you do it? No, wait, better yet: let me steal your hair."

Enjolras shifts a little and then works up the courage to murmur back, "I think stealing my hair would be illegal." 

Grantaire laughs sharply, and it's so good to hear. Joly shoots her a look, but it's playful, and then he clears his throat.

"Ahem. Never have I ever had a crush on a friend." Joly says, like a cheater, because he asked Musichetta out the moment he met her and somehow dated Bossuet without realizing.

Almost everyone groans and drinks. Enjolras quietly sips her drink and notices that, interestingly, Cosette and Marius also drink, even though they are the definition of diving into a relationship with no information on the other person beforehand. 

The rest of the questions are the usual: never have I ever gotten a ticket, never have I ever ridden a horse, never have I ever crossed the ocean (to which Enjolras gives the middle finger to Feuilly, because he knows her family is from France), and never have I ever been in a poly relationship, which is a direct attack to Musichetta. She tips her drink at Cosette and smiles before taking her first sip since the game began.

Courfeyrac calls it after that. "We are absolutely drunk enough for Spin the Bottle," he declares amid a mixed response. "No, no, shhh, I'm right. It'll be fine, I have ground rules: no one shall be kissed or kissing unless they want to. To outright refuse is a shot, and to kiss somewhere other than the lips is a sip of a mixed drink. Are these rules favourable?" He laughs at his own ridiculousness and then after the nods and Bahorel's pointed, "get on with it!" he pulls a bottle out from nowhere and places it on the floor, gesturing to the crowd with a flourish. "Whoever deems themselves worthy, step right up."

Enjolras laughs at his phrasing, too, because what else can you do, but she doesn't volunteer. She loves her friends, and she is definitely drunk enough to kiss them all, but she doesn't need to volunteer to embarrass herself.

Cosette leans forward and snatches the bottle before anyone else. She holds it in her hands for a moment, testing its weight, and right before someone would've called foul play, she sets it down and spins it sharply. It takes a while to slow, but once it does, it ends up pointing towards Bahorel and Éponine. Bahorel scoots slightly to the side so it's clearer which person the bottle favours.

Cosette smiles, but it could be because that was the outcome she wanted, or just because she's a nice person and likes Éponine as a friend. Enjolras is done trying to figure out other people's love lives. One realization is enough for a night.

They both agree to no drinks, without words, and when Cosette pulls away, she keeps darting looks back at Éponine.

Grantaire leans forward and purses her lips at this in a surprisingly sober moment, but then she goes back to carefully braiding Enjolras' hair. She refuses to break it to her that the braid is hardly a braid, because seeing her concentrating like that is adorable.

Enjolras realizes she's not paying attention when Combeferre gently nudges her from her other side. "It's your turn," he says, and she nods. She can't tell what's happened since Cosette's turn, but Jehan does have a lipstick mark that's suspiciously close to the colour Musichetta is wearing, and Feuilly looks well-kissed and flushed. It's never a boring time with her friends, she just gets so caught up in Grantaire sometimes that she misses details.

Everyone is expecting her to be shy, or hesitant, because she never plays drinking games, but instead she spins the bottle like it's nothing.

It rolls back to her, and she reaches out to spin it again, but Courfeyrac stops her and jerks his head towards Grantaire.

Grantaire is definitely somewhat paying attention, because she meets her eyes when Enjolras looks at her, and says, "Don't worry, Ange, I won't be offended if you say no," and it's such a casual thing, something she would say to any friend that isn't as adventurous as her, and it's said so softly, and gently, that Enjolras just aches to kiss her, but not for a game. 

Instead, she touches her cheek with her fingertips, says, "Yeah?" and leans in when Grantaire nods in confirmation. It's a quick press of lips, nothing more, but it still makes Enjolras feel like she's floating a little bit when Grantaire returns it. 

She winks when she pulls away. "You're good, E, that was very smooth."

Enjolras is so, so glad she's flushed from drinking already. "Thanks," she rasps, and then she passes the bottle to Grantaire, who spins it and kisses Jehan like she means it while everyone laughs and claps.

Enjolras contains herself for a few more turns before she tells Combeferre she needs some air and slips out onto the balcony.

Smooth. Totally.

\---

Eventually she gets cold and goes back in for her coat. The game has broken up and everyone is lounging and chatting in groups. A movie is playing on someone's laptop, and she doesn't look past that, because she knows once she sees Grantaire she won't be able to look away.

She needs to separate herself from the situation for a moment to collect herself. She did the same thing the first time Grantaire hugged her, and for many other occasions. This is exactly the same, and she can do it. She just needs some time to convince herself this is a fine extension of their friendship.

The thing is, it is. Any other friend, and it wouldn't be an issue, hence why she wants to make it the same with Grantaire. She wants to be friends with her and stay friends with her, no matter what. Her stupid feelings aren't allowed to get in the way.

That's the thought that carries her back to the balcony and the quiet night air. It's so much easier to think when it feels like the whole world is still.

Her friends are all inside, and warm, and it's like a bright spot in her mind, thinking of them all together.

She's just about to rifle in her coat for her gloves instead of cramming her hands in her pockets when the door slides open.

She doesn't know who she expects, but it certainly isn't who she gets.

"Hey," says Grantaire, leaning against the railing next to her.

Enjolras swallows. "Hey."

Grantaire swings her body back and forth a couple times before saying anything else. "I didn't do anything to upset you in there, right?"

Enjolras shakes her head immediately. "No," she says.

Grantaire seems to take that at face value. A few years ago, she might've pressed the issue or changed the subject, but now she just lets the quiet sink in. It's not an uncomfortable silence, but it feels stilted, somehow.

"I'm glad you're here," Grantaire says, cutting a look at Enjolras, who smiles shakily.

She can't deal with a Grantaire who is being kind and sincere when she's still trying to distance herself from kissing her. She doesn't cry, she doesn't, because she only cries when she's frustrated and alone, not when she's overwhelmed by emotion, and especially not when it's a good emotion, but something must show on her face, because Grantaire frowns.

"Are you alright? Fuck, sorry, I didn't mean to get all sappy earlier and just now, it's just the truth, but...what can I do to help? Anything?"

She looks so sincere, and Enjolras knows she is, because she would do anything for her, and it doesn't make it any better. She tears her gaze away from those eyes and drags in a shaky breath. "It's not - well, it is you, but we don't talk about it, and that's fine, and it's not a bad thing, and it wouldn't be fair of me to ask anything from you."

She doesn't know what Grantaire's reaction is, but she feels fingers on her jaw after a moment, and she lets them move her to face Grantaire, because of course she does. "Enjolras. I am so drunk right now. I'm very confused. But you are one of my best friends, and whatever you're talking about, it's important to me. Okay?"

Enjolras knows she's being spoken to in simple terms so there's no room for confusion, but then again, she thinks they both need it, so instead of arguing or even pointing it out, she just nods. It is possible that also being drunk helps her go along with it. She always wants to let Grantaire take the lead.

"Okay," Grantaire says, and regrettably - or is it thankfully? Enjolras can't think too much anymore, she just knows she misses Grantaire even when she's right in front of her - lets go of her chin. 

All of the action seems to deflate out of Grantaire, and she sinks into one of the chairs, managing somehow to sway on her feet on the way there. She squints and points at Enjolras. "Tomorrow," she says, and oh, she's slurring her words, how did Enjolras not notice that earlier? "Tomorrow we are talking more. Yes. That is a thing that will happen. For now...I'm gonna look up at th' stars and silently cry about nature's beauty, and then I'm gonna pass the fuck out on Joly's couch."

She finishes talking and sighs, then belatedly pats the chair next to her in invitation.

Enjolras joins her.

\---

When she wakes up in the morning, she remembers everything from the night before.

She wishes she didn't.

With a groan, Enjolras gets to her feet. She hardly ever sleeps in, so when she checks her phone and finds it's later than usual, she knows why she feels so off.

It might also be the drinking, but she didn't have that much, and she's never had a proper hangover, anyway. Since that train of thought leads to Grantaire, she sends her a silent message of strength instead of sending any actual messages.

She might remember everything, but she doesn't know if Grantaire does and she's not about to do something that might jog her memory.

Instead, she throws on her Saturday best (leggings and a t-shirt) and beelines for the kitchen. When she gets there, Courfeyrac is already hovering over the coffee machine, so she sits at the table and pulls her hair into a quick bun to get it out of her way. "How much are you making?" she asks around the scrunchie in her mouth.

He turns to face her and leans against the counter. He definitely looks worse for wear than her. "Enough for you. Not Grantaire. Figured she's still at Joly's or whatever." He waves a hand and she nods. No one in their apartment is articulate in the morning, especially not when hungover.

After the coffee is done and Courfeyrac hands her a steaming mug, quiet descends and Enjolras settles into it gratefully.

Once they finish the coffee, Grantaire comes crawling into the apartment.

She looks like death, but her eyes immediately snap to Enjolras and light up like she remembers something. "I said we'd talk last night...but today. Last night I said we'd talk today. Yeah, that. I'm gonna...eat something and then we can go for a walk and talk. Fresh air is good for hangovers, right? I think I read that somewhere…."

She trails off as she starts rummaging in the fridge, and no one interrupts her because Enjolras is frozen to the spot and has been since she started talking. Courfeyrac looks like he wants to say something, but he keeps shutting his mouth again before he does. Eventually he just pushes away from the table and leaves, presumably to his room.

Enjolras kind of wishes she could gracefully exit, too.

Instead, she stays seated at the table while Grantaire fries a combination of leftovers on the stove. Normally she hums, but she's obviously feeling the headache, so she's oddly quiet. It's a little unnerving, even if Enjolras knows the reason for it.

To try and make it less awkward, she pulls out her phone and starts scrolling her feeds for her daily news update. Usually that draws her attention in immediately, but she can't stop thinking about Grantaire, and not in the usual way.

If Grantaire remembers, then she knows. Enjolras is certain she said something pretty revealing, but Grantaire is acting very casual. Maybe she already knew and now she's addressing it because Enjolras is obvious. Or maybe not.

Enjolras doesn't know anymore, but it doesn't matter anyway, because a hungover Grantaire can eat faster than Enjolras can spiral into her own thoughts.

She stands after finishing her meal and looks to Enjolras. "Walk? Unless you're busy, of course," she adds, because of course she does.

Enjolras is sitting at the table scrolling on her phone, and it's a Saturday. Grantaire knows she isn't busy. She's still giving her an out, though, and that's kind of sweet, except she's not going to use it. 

She nods and gets to her feet. "Let's go."

\---

"So," Grantaire says, kicking at the side of a snowbank. 

"So," Enjolras echoes. It's the middle of the day on a Saturday, but it's cold, so not many people are on the streets. Enjolras isn't sure if that's a good thing or not.

Grantaire sighs and glances over at her. "I know we started off really hostile, so I totally get if me being sappy is like, uncomfortable or whatever-"

"No," Enjolras cuts in, "it's not. I just don't want my feelings to make it uncomfortable, you know? We can be close friends without it being weird."

Grantaire stops in her tracks, frozen in place. After a moment, she shakes her head, curls bouncing. "Sorry, what?"

A pause.

"You didn't know?" Enjolras asks, and her voice sounds strangled. She only said it because she figured Grantaire knew.

Grantaire still looks lost, but she starts walking again, steering them towards side streets. "You thought I did? Wait, no, don't answer that," she adds when Enjolras opens her mouth. She closes it in compliance. "I can't believe you...like me. Me? Are you sure? We hated each other when we first met. I rub you the wrong way. Shit, I thought I was your annoying roommate. How did I miss this? I'm good at reading people!"

Enjolras wants to console her, but she thinks maybe she should address some of that first. "I've been told that I'm not very obvious. Also, yes, you."

Grantaire still looks a little stunned. Enjolras is stealing glances at her, and it's like she can see the gears turning in her mind, trying to piece everything together. Evidently, she fails, because she frowns. "Does everyone else know?"

That is so not what Enjolras was expecting. "...Yes," she says, and then adds, "but only because I told Courfeyrac and let him gossip. I think they have a group chat about it, actually."

Grantaire whines. "I can't believe this is my life. I really want to read that group chat, but at the same time, I can't...fathom this."

Enjolras tips her head to one side. "Why not?" she asks, and her voice comes out a little defensive.

Grantaire runs her hands - still clad in just fingerless gloves (how is she not freezing?) - through her hair. It's what she does when she's stressed or anxious. "Okay, don't judge me for this, judge past-me, but like, when I meet new people, I categorize them immediately. Or - I used to. And when I met you, I immediately thought that you were extremely out of my league. So...I flirted, but not seriously. Because I knew I'd only hurt myself that way. When I found out you didn't really date, it just made it even more clear to me that it wasn't an option, so you know...I'm sure you remember my sordid dating history throughout the years." She winks, and Enjolras wants to either punch her or kiss her.

It's true, though. When Enjolras and Grantaire first met, she was barely eighteen, and new to the idea of dating, especially dating women. Grantaire, on the other hand, was twenty and didn't hesitate to flirt with everyone. So she went out with Courf, and Jehan, and Bahorel on and off. Enjolras even thinks that she and Éponine found each other because they exchanged numbers at a bar one time.

"I was so jealous when you dated Jehan," she breathes, and it comes out like a confession, because it is.

That startles a laugh out of Grantaire. "Oh my god. That was never serious. Wait - since then? Really? That was like, a year ago."

She feels lighter after that, and her own voice comes out a little amused too. "Yeah. I really thought you knew!"

"I didn't!" Grantaire says, and her breath is coming out in little puffs of air. "You're like, the master of hiding your feelings, oh my god. Maybe I could learn a lesson or two from you."

A grin curves across Enjolras' face at that, and she nudges Grantaire's side playfully. 

They lapse into silence. After a moment of just walking, Enjolras notices that they've somehow ended up at the coffee shop where she gets hot chocolate.

She stops and turns to Grantaire. "So...where do you want to go from here?"

Grantaire looks like she's thinking about making a joke, but then her expression turns serious. "Let's go inside. I'll buy your drink, and you can tell Courf the cat is out of the bag so that I can hear all the stories." She offers her hand with a small smile. 

Enjolras mirrors it. "That sounds perfect."

**Author's Note:**

> my [ tumblr](https://feathraly.tumblr.com/)


End file.
